Worth waiting for
by samanddianefan10
Summary: After a personal tragedy Daphne and Niles each blame themselves. How can they make things right again when the distance between them seems so far?
1. Chapter 1

Daphne couldn't wait to tell her husband the news- she was pregnant. A number of home tests confirmed it, repeatedly. After the first test revealed two lines she ran out to buy three more tests, each with the same confirmation. He would be so delighted. They'd been trying for a year after David and now their dreams would finally come true. They'd agreed on two children, even though she had the feeling he would have loved more. Two, she said, and then after waiting another couple of years they could reevaluate things.

And she was right- Niles was absolutely thrilled when she casually mentioned it over a private dinner. Thankfully Martin and Ronee had agreed to babysit, so when she told him, it was their moment. Their private moment, one which no one could take away from them.

Two weeks later she had her first doctor's appointment. This was huge, for it would be the day they heard their child's heartbeat for the first time. Niles had made sure to take off work for the occasion, something for which Daphne was grateful. She had been feeling fine, other than going to the bathroom a lot, but otherwise hadn't had any other symptoms. She was a bit nervous, though she hadn't let on to Niles. She hadn't wanted to worry him, and besides, it was likely nothing. Weren't second pregnancies easier than the first ones?

As soon as she saw the look on the doctor's face she knew there was something wrong. Babies were happy occasions, so this doctor should have been grinning, not frowning.

"What is it Doctor Marshall? Is there something wrong? I'm not having twins am I?" Daphne nervously joked.

The doctor looked at them both sympathetically. "I'm sorry. We're not getting a heartbeat. There should have been one by now. I'm afraid this pregnancy will be an unfruitful one."

Niles stared at her in disbelief. The thought that something might be wrong with his child hadn't even occurred to him. How could anything of Daphne's be less than perfect? "I'm sorry Doctor Marshall. I don't understand. Certainly there is time, maybe it is too early..."

"I'm sorry Dr. Crane. This pregnancy will end in miscarriage, likely within the week."

She wisely left the room to allow the couple time to digest the news. Daphne wanted to cry, but she knew that if she did Niles would too, and she couldn't bear to see his tears, not right now.

"It's all right,darling. We'll try again. I just need a little time..." Daphne started.

"Oh Daphne, my love. How can you be so strong? We've just lost our little one and you're so brave, so strong, so remarkable. There is no doubt in my mind why I love you so..."

With that Niles started to wipe the tears from his eyes.

"Stop that! " Daphne demanded. "I need you to be strong for me. I can't have you falling apart. Not now. Please don't take it so badly. My mum had at least two that I know of believe it or not. It's not the end of the world."

She may have said that, but she didn't entirely believe it. Could it have been that night with Roz where she had two glasses of wine? On the outside it seemed like she was blaming Niles, but on the inside, she knew whose fault this was- hers. And nothing anyone could say could make this better, not even Niles.


	2. Chapter 2

Even though Niles and Daphne had said nothing to the rest of the Cranes about the loss of their child, even Martin and Frasier could pick up on the sense that something was wrong-seriously wrong. Frasier and his father would talk about it, but whenever Daphne and Niles came over they would shut up. It wasn't their place to pry, Martin would say, and even though it was killing Frasier not to say anything he thought it best to give them time. Niles would still kiss Daphne affectionately, but the other Cranes noticed she rarely returned the gesture. Frasier was a doctor- he wanted to go as far as to diagnose his sister in law with clinical depression, but he knew that she would be offeneded. So instead he watched from a distance, just carefully monitoring the situation.

After all, he was pretty consumed with his own depression, things with Charlotte hadn't worked out in Chigago, so he moved back home, and quickly settled into the same old routine that he'd had before he left. He got his job back at the radio station, thanks to Roz, but he still missed the comradarie he'd shared with his brother. Things had changed- his brother had moved on with his life, he was a father now and had a lot of responsibilities that Frasier remembered all too well that came with it. So maybe a little space was all Niles and Daphne needed.

On Daphne's end, she knew that things would never be right again. She'd lost a child, one of the worst things that could ever happen to a woman. Every time Niles brought up the subject of trying again she would turn on him, shouting that nothing could replace the baby that they'd lost. So Niles suffered in silence, feeling helpless to protect the woman he loved that were so obviously haunting her.

One day the two Crane brothers met up for coffee at Cafe Nervosa, so it was a bit awkward at first with neither not really knowing what to say.

Just then a woman carrying a newborn baby walked in, and to Frasier's shock, Niles broke down and began to cry.

"What's wrong, Niles? You know I'm your brother and I like to think that I'm your best friend and I can see that something's troubling you. You can talk to me and I would never pass judgement on you."

Niles looked up. "It's Daphne..."

"Oh I knew something was up. Is she angry with you?"

"I don't...'I don't know. I think she is but she says she isn't. I just dont know what to do."

"Has something happened? Is daphne all right?"

"She says she is but ...there is something you don't know. We had just found out that she was pregnant..."

Frasier lit up. "Congratulations! I'm so happy for you. Why didn't you tell us? A baby is such a blessing , it is one of the greatest gifts that can happen to a couple. Why, I can't think of a better couple this could happen to! How about I treat you to Pierre's tonight..."

Niles' sobbing continued. "She lost it."

The thought of a miscarraige had honestly never occurred to Frasier. "What are you talking about?"

"The doctor said it wasn't a viable pregnancy. There was no heartbeat. He never had a chance."

For once in his life, Frasier was speechless. "I'm so sorry Niles. I had no idea.."

"Obviously."

"Oh come on Niles. You know I would never have been so thoughtless had I known. Does Dad know?"

Niles shook his head.

"Roz?"

"I think Daphne told her. But anyways she would probably kill me if I told you. It's something that she's wanted to deal with herself. I've tried everything I can to get her to open up to me but she pushes me away. I don't know. I just don't know what to do Frasier. I've never felt so helpless in my life."

"It will be okay. Just give her some time. Some women grieve differently and the loss of a child can be one of the most traumatic experiences a woman can go through."

"What if it won't be okay? What if it will never be okay? The woman I love is hurting and she doesn't want anything to do with me. It's like she blames me. I hate to say it but I'm afraid of losing Daphne forever."

Frasier just took his brother's hand and let him cry it out. There was nothing more he could do or say anyways so he might as well let him cry it out.


	3. Chapter 3

"I'm home honey. I brought home dinner..."Niles started.

"Why, because you don't think I'm capable of doing my wifely duties?" Daphne snapped.

"Oh no I would never think that. It's just you've been so busy redecorating the house that I wanted to show you my appreciation."

"Well next time call, you never know what I had planned." With that she ran to her room, slamming the door.

Niles ran to grab David, who was as confused as his father. "It's okay son. Mommy's just going through a tough time. But she loves you more than anything as do I. It will be okay I promise."

Inside her room Daphne hated herself. She knew she had frightened her own son but she just couldn't deal with Niles' random acts of kindness anymore. First it was flowers then it was letting her watch whatever she wanted to on tv, then it was offering to sleep on the couch. Didn't he know how much she needed him? Didn't he know she was only pretending to be strong? She wasn't like Niles- he'd been through so much and carried on so bravely. But she was only doing what she knew how to carry on- decorating the house, cooking, trying so hard to be the perfect wife. In her heart she knew that she was only disguising what Niles didn't want to say- she wasn't the perfect wife. She let him down. She knew how much he had wanted another child and for her to drink wine when she could have- and was- pregnant was pretty damn inrrisponsible of her. She didn't know how to tell him how sorry she was for causing all the heartbreak that had happened to the family.

She wanted so much to open up to Niles, to tell him she loved him, to beg for his forgiveness. But as she hadn't forgiven herself, how could she ask him to forgive her for causing the death of a child? She could barely look at herself in the mirror, let alone him, so she tried to go on about her life, pretending everything was all right. But it wasn't. She knew that things would never be okay again. And she was only getting older. The chances of another miscarriage were higher since she'd experienced one, and she sure couldn't go through that again. So night after night she pushed her husband away, denying him the one thing that had made their marriage so magical after all those years.

She hated herself for what had happened. What was happening. Her life was falling apart and she didn't know how to stop it. Her mum had told her it was no big thing it happened to women all the time. Where was Daphne when this information was passed out? At her followup visit her doctor said that 40 % of pregnancies weren't viable. That was nearly half! So there was a good chance that she might never bear Niles another child again. And so she cried during the day, during David's naps. Maybe Niles might have been better off with Maris or Mel after all. After all, Mel was practically perfect. She would have been able to bear Niles as many children as he wanted. The thought only made her sick to her stomach so she tried to block it to the back of her mind, but still it lingered, making her even more of a failure to Niles than either of his previous wives had ever been.

o


	4. Chapter 4

"My love, I have a surprise for you. Dad and Ronee have agreed to watch David for the night and that gives us the whole night to ourselves. I've already dropped him off. So what would you like to do? Go to Paris? Go to Nordstrom's? Rent The Vow or any other movie you've been wanting to see?

Daphne looked at him tearfully. "You really think I'm a terrible mother don't you?"

Unprepared for such an attack, Niles looked at his wife. "My love you are the best mother I know. No one could do for my child what you do. I just wanted to spend some alone time with you. Is that a crime?"

She looked at him and felt so badly. "No Niles. I think I just want to go to bed. "

"It's only seven...:"

But it was too late. Daphne had entered her fortress and from past experience Niles knew that a woman did not want to be followed there. He tried everything he could and nothing was working. His marriage, what meant more to him than life itself, was falling apart, and he was helpless to stop it.

He sat down on the couch and turned on the t.v. Some mindless show was on, he wasn't paying attention. All of his thoughts were on his beloved Daphne and how he as a professional and as a husband was failing her. This was obviously out of his league, and Frasier would be of no help. He didn't know what to do.

"Dad? Can I talk to you for a minute?"

"Sure son. David's with Ronee, teasing her by calling her granny. You should see it. It's the funniest thing."

No laughter came. "What's wrong son? Is it Daphne?"

"Dad, I don't know how to tell you this but she was pregnant..."

"What do you mean was?" Martin asked.

"She lost the baby. We had a miscarriage. Dad I'm lost. Ever since that happened she's been pushing me away and I feel like I'm losing the love of my life. I've never been so scared in my life."

Martin sighed. "Niles, I'm going to tell you something that I've never told anyone. If your mother were here she'd scalp me alive for telling you this. But this happened to your mother and myself before."

Niles was genuinely shocked. He'd never heard this before. "Mom lost a baby?"

"Yes and it took a toll on her. She was the toughest lady I knew, that's why I loved her so much, but it devestated her. It took some time before things got back to normal if you know what I mean."

"When did this happen?"

"About four months after Frasier was born. So much for breastfeeding being the best birth control."

No laughter.

"Anyways son it's something that a woman has to work out for herself. She needs to know you don't blame her and that you love her anyways. She needs to feel like a woman."

"I don't blame her. I could never blame her for something that was never her fault."

"Does she know that?"

"I don't know..."

"Well you damn well better make sure that she does. Otherwise she may never get over this."

"Thank you Dad. It sounds like you're speaking from experience."

"Don't make the mistakes I did Niles. She doesn't need flowers or perfume or long baths. She needs you to be there to let her cry it out as long as she needs to. Now get off the phone and get your butt in your room with your wife and let her know you're not disappointed in her."

Niles hung up, absorbing way more information than he thought he could. But his dad was right. Daphne needed him and it was up to him to be the husband she needed him to be.


	5. Chapter 5

"Daphne my love I know that I'm the last person you want to see but I really want to be with you right now. May I come in?"

"It's your room. Do as you want."

She was lying on her side, refusing to let him see her cry.

"Daphne, we have a serious situation and I think we need to talk."

No response.

"Our marriage is on the line and I refuse to give up. Now will you please look at me and talk to me?"

Her hair a mess, her makeup stained, her pajamas wrinkled, Daphne looked up at him.

"Oh, angel, this is worse than I thought. Tell me what I can do to help. It breaks my heart seeing you this way."

"Do you want to know something? Something that might change how you feel about me?"

"Nothing you could say could change how I feel about you. I will love you forever, that is my promise to you."

"It's all my fault," Daphne sobbed into his welcoming arms.

"What are you talking about?"

"The reason I lost the baby...Roz and I had two drinks...I killed our baby Niles! How could you ever forgive me for something like that? I'm a monster!"

He held her until no more tears fell from her face. "Oh darling, that's not your fault. Scientific studies prove that a glass or two of alcohol have no effect on the fetus..."

"Bloody hell, Niles. That's no fetus we're talking about. It's our baby and I don't blame me if you take David from me.:

Niles took his wife and held her in his arms for the longest time, both crying together. 'My love remember when we married in Reno and I promised to love you for better or worse. Those were not just words, I live by them. We'll get through this if you just let me love you. I love you more than any person I have ever loved and I will love you until the day. I could never be angry with you. Don't you know that you and David are my world? I would literally lay down my life for you, I would give up everything I own just to be your husband. Nothing can keep our love apart, if only you let me love you the way I want to."

"You don't hate me?" She turned to him.

"I adore you more than ever. I could never blame you for something that was so clearly not your fault. Did you know that my mother lost a child, in between Frasier and myself?"

Daphne was visibly surprised. "She did?"

"I just found out. And do you think that kept my father as hard headed as he is from loving her any less than he already did?"

She smiled for what seemed like the first time in ages. "No I suppose not."

"And imagine if things had turned out differently. I might not be here. Things have a way of working out, we may never know the reason. But I promise you I love you, I adore you, you are my world, and nothing could ever change that."

Daphne felt relaxed in his arms. "How could I have ever doubted that? You've been nothing but good to me. You love me even when I'm unlovable. I'm the luckiest woman alive."

"no my love. You've given me a whole new outlook on life. When life was at its most hopeless I knew I could count on your sweet smile to give me hope. Just like you do now. You give my life meaning and strength I never knew I had. When I'm with you I feel like I can do anything. You are my everything, Daphne, and I will love you for the rest of my life, you can count on that."

and with that, they settled into a sweet slumber, both sleeping well for the first time in ages.


	6. Chapter 6

A Year later

All was well in the hospital room, where baby Hester-Lynn was being cradled by her parents. Neither Niles or Daphne dared allowed themselves to dream of this day, but it was here, and everyone was doing well. Martin even had a few tears in his eyes when he learned of the name. Ronee wasn't jealous, she knew full well what Hester's place in the family had been and was proud of her stepson for making her husband so happy.

At the end of the day, when the baby was in the nursery and everyone had gone home, Niles stole a moment alone with his wife.

"you don't know how happy you have made me. This is truly the happiest day of my life. And every day with you I become happier and happier."

Daphne smiled. "Oh Niles, how did I ever get so lucky? You promised everything would work out and you were right. I'm so happy, have I told you how much I love you?"

"No but you showed me a few hours ago. I do have one question for you..."

Daphne looked at him in surprise.

"How soon before we can try again?" Niles grinned.

She hit him with her pillow before kissing him like she never had before. Yes, meeting Niles Crane had been the happiest day of her life, even if it took her years to realize it.

The end


End file.
